Its been quite a while since I thought about, felt along with and wrote anything worthy of note down. Ironically I intend to begin again at a time when I am under a lot of pressure from a variety of directions. Maybe this is as good a time as any to re-connect with my Cheng Hsin studies and to share something.
I went back to Cheng Hsin class last week, each time I go people are shocked as it is months between visits. I have been happy to see that missing so much time doesnt necessarily mean that I have lost all relaxation, skill or ability. It seems like everything I have gained has been mine to keep. On the other hand I get a strong feeling that I have been doing myself an injustice and that there is a lot more I could have done. I couldnt go this week but visited a different T'ai Chi class with a friend instead. I always find this useful even when there is no comparison, on practicing an exercise with a stranger - a push thing, I was pleased that he felt me get into his feet.
It is sometimes more useful to try and follow someone else's instructions and try to practice falling into my feet, knee with toe, into heel etc without actually being told to do these things. Certainly it is interesting to watch people around me with poor body being and compare with them. Its almost the same as when I pick up a book - such as Zen Body Being, that I havent read in months, and I find myself making sense, new sense of parts of it. Maybe breaks are important, maybe its good to begin again.
Wednesday, 23 September 2009
Wednesday, 5 November 2008
Confusion, Grounded, Beauty
Phew, its becoming really hard to have things to write. I've been noticing alot in my training but its not things I can disclose or would want to at this stage. Suffice to say that sometimes the training is more about self, and can be difficult to understand let alone convey.
Tonight I was told that I am grounding well, or at least that I'm better than I was, or that I ground better than one might expect. I'm happy about this, compliments are nice. But I can't really bring myself to believe it, I'd rather believe that it needs much more work. Of course it does, and not being complacent I can keep at it. I wonder what has made the difference though? Is it a mental shift to being 'grounded' that I've made? Or have I become more flexible? or what??
Also, had fun tonight with basic practice, press, and an un-named technique. All in all we seem to be concentrating far less on techniques and trying to do something, achieve something. We spend much more time looking at the relationship and how small change mean big changes, so we talk about foot positions and weight changes and compression into this and that... Its all fun training.
This un-named technique - its beautiful, so simple and so effective, like a Judo throw with zero effort, you simply have to be thrown there is no other option. It is beautiful to watch, graceful to perform and both scary and beautiful to be thrown. Its movements like this that I love about Cheng Hsin. When something just is, and like a wave or a sunrise, is just perfect in its organic unfolding.
Tonight I was told that I am grounding well, or at least that I'm better than I was, or that I ground better than one might expect. I'm happy about this, compliments are nice. But I can't really bring myself to believe it, I'd rather believe that it needs much more work. Of course it does, and not being complacent I can keep at it. I wonder what has made the difference though? Is it a mental shift to being 'grounded' that I've made? Or have I become more flexible? or what??
Also, had fun tonight with basic practice, press, and an un-named technique. All in all we seem to be concentrating far less on techniques and trying to do something, achieve something. We spend much more time looking at the relationship and how small change mean big changes, so we talk about foot positions and weight changes and compression into this and that... Its all fun training.
This un-named technique - its beautiful, so simple and so effective, like a Judo throw with zero effort, you simply have to be thrown there is no other option. It is beautiful to watch, graceful to perform and both scary and beautiful to be thrown. Its movements like this that I love about Cheng Hsin. When something just is, and like a wave or a sunrise, is just perfect in its organic unfolding.
Tuesday, 21 October 2008
Relax
Relax Relax Relax Relax Relax Relax Relax Relax Relax Relax Relax Relax Relax Relax Relax Relax.
Keep training it.
Keep training it.
Tuesday, 14 October 2008
Commitment
Sometimes we hear about people who are afraid of commitment. They feel afraid and therefore avoid entering into relationships in the first place, or they find them so hard that they end them before the other person 'gets too close' or 'is let in'.
It's actually the same with fighting, or at least, in the context we find it most frequently, in training with another person. It's still a relationship. It's still two people relating to each others movements, intention, forces etc.
Frequently, we are afraid of committing ourselves totally to our own actions, let alone to the relationship or interaction that is presenting. We feel afraid in much the same way, we don't want to open up, to get hurt. So we keep the other person out.
But by so doing, we restrict ourselves, keep ourselves out of the relationship. Committing ourselves more fully we are able to learn more deeply. We can let ourselves be thrown or hit, and relax and feel it, see opportunities to blend with it, we can become one with it.
In the end there is only one relationship, and one thing taking place, so let's dive in!
It's actually the same with fighting, or at least, in the context we find it most frequently, in training with another person. It's still a relationship. It's still two people relating to each others movements, intention, forces etc.
Frequently, we are afraid of committing ourselves totally to our own actions, let alone to the relationship or interaction that is presenting. We feel afraid in much the same way, we don't want to open up, to get hurt. So we keep the other person out.
But by so doing, we restrict ourselves, keep ourselves out of the relationship. Committing ourselves more fully we are able to learn more deeply. We can let ourselves be thrown or hit, and relax and feel it, see opportunities to blend with it, we can become one with it.
In the end there is only one relationship, and one thing taking place, so let's dive in!
Monday, 13 October 2008
Transcending Self
I just signed up for the TS course, if my payment went through ok. I am guessing that the entire content will be a secret, as it is something you have to pay for. So I wont be revealing anything, but hopefully some of it still comes across, and I'll share my own ignorance freely.
For anyone interested (closing date for sign up is October 20th):
e-courses
For anyone interested (closing date for sign up is October 20th):
e-courses
Jiu Jitsu
Today I took my Gi with me to work, carried it around with me all day in the boot of my car. At 5pm I made my way over to where the Jiu Jitsu class was last week. On arriving I found that instead of the smaller 10 people training there was more like 40.
I enjoyed the class, I had too much to think about to really keep a great body being - or at least that's the excuse that I'm letting be there. It was cool though, a chance to practice rolling and breakfalls, I know mine need a whole lot of work. We also did a couple of throw on both sides, an O Goshi and another very similar one. I enjoyed the throws alot, enjoyed being thrown and trying to create an attitude of offering and allowing myself to be thrown, and then popping back up as quick as I could.
We also did some kind of arm trap things, I didn't catch what they called them, kind of he punches you block and turn his arm around and help him towards the ground. These were a lot of fun, using "Ba sic bo" (I probably spelled that wrong) footwork and leading to help them down. Then we did a kind of a block turn and allow to fall thing, this was fun too.
It's always nice to find a bunch of people happy to throw you around and happy to let you do some stuff to them, I spoke to a couple of people about my background too and suggested they google Cheng Hsin, it's too hard to try to describe what it is.
The main things I observed about myself tonight:
I enjoyed the class, I had too much to think about to really keep a great body being - or at least that's the excuse that I'm letting be there. It was cool though, a chance to practice rolling and breakfalls, I know mine need a whole lot of work. We also did a couple of throw on both sides, an O Goshi and another very similar one. I enjoyed the throws alot, enjoyed being thrown and trying to create an attitude of offering and allowing myself to be thrown, and then popping back up as quick as I could.
We also did some kind of arm trap things, I didn't catch what they called them, kind of he punches you block and turn his arm around and help him towards the ground. These were a lot of fun, using "Ba sic bo" (I probably spelled that wrong) footwork and leading to help them down. Then we did a kind of a block turn and allow to fall thing, this was fun too.
It's always nice to find a bunch of people happy to throw you around and happy to let you do some stuff to them, I spoke to a couple of people about my background too and suggested they google Cheng Hsin, it's too hard to try to describe what it is.
The main things I observed about myself tonight:
- I'm still getting afraid before being thrown
- I'm still too upright and not just allowing gravity to take me down
- Things go much better when I smile and create an attitude of welcoming the whole event, the whole experience of being there, rather than 'trying' to 'learn' or 'judge'.
Thursday, 9 October 2008
Determination
I've been thinking a lot today about the subject of perseverance and determination, meeting that wall that we face when we can't face training and keeping on going. It really seems like this lies at the crux of so many things, not just training a martial art, but doing the housework or all of life itself. I can't quote because I only heard from a friend, but apparently Peter Ralston said that he isn't more intelligent or more talented than someone else, just more determined.
Even just doing 1 hour of Taiji today in the park when my mind wanted to stop after 45 minutes... Its so easy to give in to the mind which says that's enough and not challenge it. After all the mind is just expressing an opinion and it may not even be a good one. Very often we don't listen to people who give us advice, but we always seem to listen to our own. It seems to me to be a good idea to just keep going, keep training, push past the limits of the mind's opinion.
"I tried to practice as much as I could today" - right there, it feels true to me, but it's not. It's dishonest to myself to suggest that I did as much as I could. But I did some, and crucially I did more than I could have. If I do more than I could have all the time then that would be a good start. I practiced rooting throughout the day, falling into my feet as an object in space and on the ground. I did the aforementioned 60 minutes of Taiji and I noticed a lot of mistakes.
I also visited the Jiu Jitsu club nearby, staying for an hour I watched them breakfalling and rolling. It seemed pretty much ok, a very cold room to train in - with air con even in the winter! A hard floor, but a clean square open room. I plan to go train next week, hopefully get alot out of it. Certainly being there made me feel tremendously motivated to invest some quality time in practice. To do as much as I can at home in private, in the gym, swimming, Taiji every lunchtime at work, and grounding with every step.
It is moments like these that feel so pivotal, I could use the opportunity to do what I love and improve myself. Or slip back into old habits, which are so hard to break without motivation. What I do now is crucial, what I do tomorrow when I wake up is crucial, but I am determined.
Even just doing 1 hour of Taiji today in the park when my mind wanted to stop after 45 minutes... Its so easy to give in to the mind which says that's enough and not challenge it. After all the mind is just expressing an opinion and it may not even be a good one. Very often we don't listen to people who give us advice, but we always seem to listen to our own. It seems to me to be a good idea to just keep going, keep training, push past the limits of the mind's opinion.
"I tried to practice as much as I could today" - right there, it feels true to me, but it's not. It's dishonest to myself to suggest that I did as much as I could. But I did some, and crucially I did more than I could have. If I do more than I could have all the time then that would be a good start. I practiced rooting throughout the day, falling into my feet as an object in space and on the ground. I did the aforementioned 60 minutes of Taiji and I noticed a lot of mistakes.
I also visited the Jiu Jitsu club nearby, staying for an hour I watched them breakfalling and rolling. It seemed pretty much ok, a very cold room to train in - with air con even in the winter! A hard floor, but a clean square open room. I plan to go train next week, hopefully get alot out of it. Certainly being there made me feel tremendously motivated to invest some quality time in practice. To do as much as I can at home in private, in the gym, swimming, Taiji every lunchtime at work, and grounding with every step.
It is moments like these that feel so pivotal, I could use the opportunity to do what I love and improve myself. Or slip back into old habits, which are so hard to break without motivation. What I do now is crucial, what I do tomorrow when I wake up is crucial, but I am determined.
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